Child development; problems of discipline,authority and rebellion

It is only through the love and approval of the significant adults in a child's life that he is able to give up his primitive behavior for that which meets the demands of social living. Conflict over authority is only one of many conflicts. There are conflicts which arise inherently in a child's development. The task of the parents in the education of the child in our society is to enable the child to tolerate a certain amount of frustration and also a necessary degree of control of impulses so that he can live in a group and in conformity with the required standards. Increased rebelliousness and defiance are normally characteristic of certain periods of development in healthy children. These are when concerted discipline begins, and in early adolescence. But other events also may reactivate or stimulate attitudes of defiance and rebellion. Even in his rebellion, a child needs and expects his parents to stand for order, as well as for love. He expects that the parent will save him from the consequences of his own destructive impulses, which he as yet may not have the strength to withstand.Deep-seated or submerged factors in the parents may play a significant role in the discipline to which they subject their children. True permissiveness means allowing a child to develop according to his own rate of speed and his own potentialities as a unique individual. It includes refusing the child any type of behavior that will bring danger to him or to others.A parent who uses harsh and rigid forms of discipline may force a child into submission, rather than acceptance and understanding. This produces only surface conformity which hides insecurity and violent underlying destructiveness.